Where I come from we have hills

I know it was a very hot day on Sunday but I'm not convinced that's enough of an excuse for the amount of trouser-dropping that took place on the tarmac at Marham. The U-turn and figure of 8 exercises completed, I turned round and did a double-take at the sight of a lady standing in what looked like her bra and pants with her Hein Gericke round her ankles. In fact it was a camisole and shorts, but it was an easy mistake to make. And I blame her entirely for encouraging a number of chaps to follow suit. This was supposed to be the HRT Advanced Machine Skills day, not the knobbly knees contest....though with the temperature topping 30 C, keeping cool by any means necessary became the rule. I risked incurring the wrath of ATGATTRAT and rode down the airstrip Greek-style, in my t-shirt with my lid on my elbow. And even then I had to go and lie down because the heat was making me feel a little unusual.

I love the Advanced Machine Skills Day but I get out of my depth so quickly. Full-lock U-turns I can just about manage, especially if I fool my brain and don't acutually call it a U-turn. The slow slalom I can also do. The fast counter-steery slalom I find very difficult, and then I stop and take photos instead. The "Avoid the Lorry" exercise is a great opportunity to get some dramatic pictures of bikes that are very large and very close - one rather closer than I anticpated, very nearly rendering me into Highwaylass Roadkill. Mel offered to take me home and put me on the barbecue so that I would know I hadn't died in vain, which was very good of him. Cracking photos though, even if I say so myself.

You can't stop yet, the chicken isn't finished

Like the Man from Del Monte, I like to say yes. This could be regarded as a strategy headed straight towards disaster neither passing Go nor collecting £200, but on the whole I like to belive that the rewards have outweighed the risk. I could have been too scared to pick up my gig bag and head off to the Wolf Folk Club BBQ, on the entirely justified grounds that the only person I was going to know there was the host, Martin Hopp of Hopp Rider Training fame. But I know that fear is no excuse not to do something - bloody hell, if it was, most days I wouldn't leave the house! I also know that where there are bikers, there are people ready to chat to strangers and find that comon ground that starts to turn them into friends. And I am learning that this is also true of musicians. I've been taking harp lesons for a year, sometimes I think I'm doing OK but most of the time I feel like a small child in a shop where all the cool stuff is on a shelf that's just above my head. Doesn't matter how much I stretch for it, it's always just out of reach. But in my defence I will at least step up and have a go, and I'm very grateful to all the musicians at the barbecue who let me sit next to them and honk along. And for the nice things they said afterwards, though I'm glad that the person who started his comment with "Don't give up!" didn't quite mean it at face value...

Best bits of the day? Diana Church and her awesome feminist blues. The reason the Wickers (don't know if I've spelt that right) were told they had to do an encore. Finding a good home for one of my 4 last bottles of Chateau Musar. Being reprieved from spending the night in a tent on the lawn. And being able to say "yes" when asked at 10am the next day whether I'd done any gigs that week.

Reasons to Be Cheerful

The road has become a little bumpy again of late and I asked my friends on Facebook to send me reasons to be cheerful. Their suggestions made me smile so much that I offer them here to anyone else in need of a little uplifting. Though accepting that if you don't have your own puppy to wake you up in the middle of the night by licking your ear and sinking his teeth into your toes, 2 and 4 might be a little tricky, there is plenty of HighwayHound to go round. Let me know where he is needed and I'll stuff him in a jiffy bag (a very large one).

1. You have friends who love you and want to make you happy ... :)


2. The puppy? The fact that no matter how far or how long apart, you'll always have friends willing to pick you up when you need it? The fact that the week's half over already? The freedom and exhilaration of owning a bike? And did I mention le mutt? *hugs*


3. The sun is shining and it's over half way to the weekend.


4. The sun is shining and just right for biking :). Oh and you have the lovely HighwayHound:)


5. It's only a couple of weeks until you take a trip down this particular memory lane x


6. Torque


7. Because you aren't working on a major government IT project.


8. Because you aren't working for the government at all


9. or the Church of England... :)


10. Windows 7?


11. Cos I'm your friend babe, and we giggle when we get drunk!!! And cos you once had a Capri


12. Because you have friends who live in New Orleans that you can visit?


13. because you don't have shingles ......


14. 1,2,3. Don't have any Ian Dury, but if you really want to put it into the set I am game. Will you sing it?


15. You're alive on a beautiful day!


16. England won... ?


17. It's sunny and I'm sure there must be a theatre/music trip coming up soon :-


18. um, it probably won't help you any, but I had good news about Dad today which has made me ridiculously cheerful. Oh and ... you had a capri?!! *hugs*


19. You don't have piles! I don't either but I had a conversation with a colleague at work today who does and they are really painful - as was the conversation - way too much information.


20. The train driver finally managed to work out how to turn the heating off in all the carriages....


21. This government is going to get the country out of financial crap!!(You didn't say the reasons had to be true!)


22. Owning a Motorbike -or a BMW GS- and being able to ride it whenever you want!


23. Cocktails, handbags, sunshine, writing.


24. Because the Midnight Mud Wrestler is well and is looking forward to re kindling his observation of a certian Associate ?

Which half of Robert Plant should I be?

This week I have been mostly riding the Africa Twin and trying to remember which position means the choke is in (or is it out when it's making the engine run richer? I have forgotten...) I also need to learn where the fuel tap is so that I can do the in-flight changeover from ON to RESERVE - if only to avoid the embarrasment of rolling to a halt at the side of the road right in front of the 2 cars I've just stylishly overtaken while scrabbling fruitlessly below my left thigh.

The Twin is much lighter than Ruby, and while I'm not really enjoying the Givi boxes - what is the point of a box that flaps totally open in the vertical plane when you open it and dumps your knickers on the tarmac? - this can be cured for £300 with a rack from Metal Mule which would let me transfer my boxes from Ruby. Otherwise we are very happy together.

I wanted to take him on the No To Bike Parking Tax M25 run today but I am knackered and broke, so I am there in spirit and following their progress on Twitter. Which isn't half as much fun, in truth. But it has saved me about 50 quid towards the cost of my new house. Only 74,950 to go.

This week has also been occupied with trying to learn the harp intro to When the Levee Breaks - I have been invited to try out for a Led Zeppelin tribute band, presumably as half of Robert Plant (ironic given that in reality I would make at least 2 of him). Which meant I was the person sitting on the train muttering "one - and - two - and - three - and - four" and making unintelligble notes that everyone crosses the aisle to avoid.

Waiting for the punters

Calm before the storm at Cadwell Park :)

Motorcycle test and training review ordered by Transport Minister

Dear all, While I normally wouldn't re-post a Government press release, I think this is important enough to justify it. Please consider sending in your thoughts on training and testing to the DfT, especially if you or someone you know has had problems with the new 2-part test.

HWL


Motorcycle test and training review ordered by Transport Minister 08 June 2010

A review of the motorcycle testing and training regime was today announced by Road Safety Minister Mike Penning.

The two-part motorcycle test was introduced in April 2009 to meet the requirements of the second EU Directive on driving licences.

The Minister ordered the review after listening to concerns from motorcycle groups and visiting a test centre to look at the testing procedure in more detail. Ways to improve training will also be considered.

Mike Penning said:

“Road safety is a top priority and the testing and training on offer is vital in our work to cut the disproportionately high numbers of motorcyclists killed and injured on our roads each year.

"It is clear there are concerns among the motorcycling community about the safety of the new test's off-road module. There have also been complaints about the difficulty for riders in some areas of accessing the off-road test centres.

"That is why I am today asking riders, safety groups and motorcycle industry representatives to come forward with their ideas for how testing and training can be improved to ensure we produce safe, confident and responsible riders."

The new test was introduced in order to meet the requirements of the second EU Directive on driving licences. While most elements in the off-road module 1 test are required by the Directive, there may be scope to make some changes to the way in which the test is carried out.

The DfT review will look at the manoeuvres carried out in both modules 1 (off-road) and 2 (on-road) and whether these manoeuvres could safely be conducted in the on-road test.

The review will also look at other related motorcycle testing and training issues, including the options for training and testing for progressive access under the third driving licence directive and how any changes relate to wider proposals to improve motorcycle training and testing.

Views are welcome from motorcycle riders, trainers, road safety groups, the wider public and others on what aspects of the motorcycle test should be looked at, including how and where they think motorcycle testing might best and most safely be carried out.

The precise scope and terms of reference of the review will be determined following discussions with motorcycle groups and other interested parties, with the aim of concluding the review by the autumn.

Views should be submitted to the Department for Transport by 31 July.

Views can be sent to the DfT by email on: (RUSD4consultation@dft.gsi.gov.uk)

Lifeboats Ride 2010 - the prologue

"Hang on a minute, the lads'll push the boat out* for you."

* "Push the Boat Out": To spend generously. To spend more than one is normally accustomed to doing, often to mark a special occasion.

The Arbroath RNLI crew are a more literal bunch. They manned the winches, lowered the radio masts, and pushed the RNLB Inchape down the slipway and out into the sunshine to make a better backdrop to the 7th of the 15 photos the RBR Lifeboats Ride were taking on our tour of the UK's RNLI stations.

Like bikers, lifeboatmen are fulled by tea and chocolate biscuits, to the extend that each lifeboat has a tea urn and mugs safely bungeed in a corner. As groups we both assume a level of personal risk that many adults would find unacceptable. But when the wind's approaching gale force and the rain is coming in horizontally, I try and find a hotel. I don't put my helmet on, buckle myself into a rubber dinghy and let my friends launch me into the sea.

Boffin is still with us because in 1980 a lifeboat crew did exactly that and hauled him out of the Solent after a sailing competition went badly wrong. When, having knocked off the 6 points and the 4 corners, the RBR Touring Section needed a new set of points to visit for this year's ride, he suggested visiting one of each type of lifeboat in service around the coast of the UK. For some reason everyone I explained this to thought we were visiting lighthouses. Not a bad idea in itself, but I think a lot more ferry rides would have been needed. Also I am getting on and my heart might not have coped with all those steps. I missed the ride last year because I had to go and lobby the Transport Minister about the new test (ooh, can you hear that name drop ;) so this year I signed up early and planned my route, as usual, at the very last minute.

With the invaluable assistance of Highwayhound, who helped by biting through the broadband cable and stepping on my keyboard at crucial moments, I left on Thursday morning with GPS references for all the RBR landmarks safely in the Garmin. The rather more effective assistance of Graham meant that I also had the locations of the campsites and the RNLI stations. What I hadn't managed to do was to cross-reference the GPS co-ordinates with an actual map. Of which more later.

Having become old and soft I didn't fancy a 9-hour cannonball run straight down to Cornwall. I also wanted to be able to spend a decent amount of time at the landmark which can only be referred to as LM17. So day 1 wasn't really part of the trip, as it took me from the Flatlands to Weymouth. In 2008 when I did the 6 points I was disguised as the Midnight Mud Wrestler, who lent me his extremely waterproof overjacket & kept me dry through the West Country. This year I was being tempted to do bad things by the Belstaff jacket lent to me by Mel, which has a devil on each shoulder and the angel tied & gagged somewhere out of sight. I was wearing this jacket not my usual Triumph one because it fitted better over the heated vest that Mel also lent. me. Both of these were proving wise precautions in the 28 degree sunshine.

Highwayhound has trained me to get up at 5.15am to let him out in to the garden. So I had Chesil Beach pretty much to myself as I made a pre-breakfast run to LM17. I'd forgotten the joy of riding in the pink morning light with just seagulls and bus drivers for company (unlike yesterday when I stopped in the Silver Ball for breakfast and found I had 15 of the Met and the City of London's bike police for company...not the moment you want to forget to clip your sat-nav into its holder when attempting a confident law-abiding exit. The sound of bouncing navigational equipment does rather attract the attention of the boys in blue (leather). I can't tell you about the landmark because of the online non-disclosure rules, but it was a beautiful spot and when I go to my eternal rest you can put me there as well.

Changing out of my new Hein Gericke warm trousers back into my Draggins brought a temporary reduction in thermal overload but the day just got hotter and hotter. I distracted myself by playing RBR tag - if 7 bikes are riding south on the same day to the same campsite, and there are 5 LMs to visit en route, it's a fair bet that paths will begin to cross. So as a big silver BMW headed up the Somerset back-road that I was heading out of, I decided they must be part of the Touring Company and gave them a big wave. They rolled on, unmoved. Maybe not, I thought. Then they rolled into Teignmouth as I was sweating my way out. I waved again, and Ian and Carol, deciding that I wasn't an over-enthusiastic German tourist, waved back.

Up on Dartmoor I was finally cooling down until I rounded a bend in prime position to overtake the Dutch tourists in front of me to find a silver GS parked in the road. Odd place to stop, I thought. Also he was looking a bit low....and with a back wheel firmly in the roadside ditch, he wasn't going anywhere fast. At last, I thought! Highwaylass gets a chance to do good deeds and pay back all those other people who have picked my bike out of the holes, gravel traps, unexpectedly deep gutters and sandy carparks of my life. So I parked, hurried back up the hill and helped Mr IAM Senior Observer heft his fully-panniered and tented GS back onto the tarmac. Twice. While at least 20 cars sailed serenely by. Maybe they thought we were bonding.

Almost a full team were gathered at the Dartmoor LM by the time I'd wandered round and failed to find half of it. "Don't you read the forum?" shouted Graham. Obviously not....and I'll just be submitting the picture of Ruby with the LM growing out of her head, not the nice close-up one from the (unsignposted) private land as a result...

We don't usually ride together on these trips. Group riding's quite stressful and not a little dangerous. We just criss-cross and bump into each other a lot. I'd stopped for ice-cream, water and a sandwich at a petrol station on the Lizard (which had stopped selling petrol in protest at the rates imposed on it by the council) when Graham and Dooz came sailing by, Graham particularly unmissable in hi-viz and with his radio on. They paused long enough for me to catch up and we did the last few miles into Henry's Camp Site as a group of three. Which was just the right size at the end of a long hot day. Well - not quite the end. Tent-building, beer, banter and bed. That was the end of the beginning.